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My Husband
who has me SO aggravated right now that I can’t even begin to put together a rational post. Not that that’s anything new. It’s not like I am oh~so~rational when I’m not mad. But right now this frustration is really, well, kicking my bootay.
What I would really like to do, is give him an EARFUL (what does that really mean anyway???) I am so mad I could spit. If I were a spitter. Which I’m not. I think it’s disgusting. And he’s not here to see it anyway. So I would be doing something that I feel is absolutely disgusting for no reason at all. I guess that rules that out.
Instead I’m going to write nice things about him. And maybe, by the time he rolls through the door, I’ll be a little less … ’spitting mad’. Minus the spit of course. Because I just explained ~at length~ how I feel about spit. It’s up there. Right above this paragraph. In case you forgot already. You can go back and read it. I’ll wait.
Ok are you ready to move on to the nice things I have to remember about my husband? Just for the record, I really do NOT feel like being nice to him right now. Or about him. Not even a little bit. This is a struggle. But I will overcome it. I think I can. I think I can….
Oh WOW. You’re still here. I’m a little surprised. Sorry I got distracted. I’ll move on now.
He tries so hard to be everything for everyone. There really are so many things I love about my husband. I’m having a hard time remembering all of them at this moment, because he ’s human (& a man), so there are also things that I’m not soooo crazy about. Like right now for instance.
But the things that I love *most definently outnumber the things that I don’t. He loves God. With all of his heart and all of his mind and all of his strength. He loves his family. Sooo much that he works as hard as he has to, to make sure that I have the opportunity to raise them at home where they belong. He is stubborn and oh ~so~ persistent. He is crazy and sometimes moody. He talks to and gets along with anyone. Everyone becomes his ‘dawg’ and he will hand over anything to anyone if they need it.
And I do mean anything.
I’m *so not exaggerating.
Really.
If your husband ever comes home and says to you “Honey, you won’t believe it! I asked this random guy if I could borrow $5 and he handed me his wallet. And the keys to his truck. And house. And his wife and kids!” You’ll know that he met my husband. If that ever happens, please give us back. He just got overexcited. We’re used to it by now.
He has an eerie way of looking into someone’s spirit and reading thier true hearts. And though it pains me to admit it …*sigh…he is usually right. (but let’s just keep that between us, shall we?) Not this time of course. This time I am *absolutely the one who’s right. Without a doubt. 100%. 98 %. Okay it’s really 50/50 but I’m gonna stick with 100. Because I’m right this time.
I know, I’m being nice. I better get back to that.
He has an amazing ability for making up really really stupid songs. About nothing. Or anything. Whatever he is doing at any given time. Think of all the things a ‘man’ does throughout the day. My husband has a song for all of them. It’s hilarious, disturbing and adorable all at once. Even more disturbing (and adorable:) is the fact that this trait has oddly been handed down to each and every one of our children.
I know. Just imagine the things I hear throughout the day.
I’m going over and over my mental checklist… and I’m not seeing the part that says “these things are null & void if you are right”? Does that mean it’s not about being right? Really. ‘Cause I would So like it to be about being right.
Hmmm… Guess I have to work on a few of those. I should go do that.
- If your husband ever comes home and says to you “Honey, you won’t believe it! I asked this random guy if I could borrow $5 and he handed me his wallet. And the keys to his truck. And house. And his wife and kids!” You’ll know that he met my husband. If that ever happens, please give us back. He just got overexcited. We’re used to it by now.
LMAOOO ! That is too freaking funny ! And he can make a song about anything …. like that ‘i`m bring flatuation back’ that was great .
- lol tis the stuff that dreams are made of…or atleast the stuff that gives him the title the biggest thing of them all
* Disclaimer ~ the following post may contain “parent only” language & content. If you think the phrase “You will not believe what was in his poop” might offend you or your stomach, ya might want to just skip down to the next post
1 of our 5 children ~ who I will not name ~ due to the fact that they can read~and sometimes look over my shoulder when I am on the pc~and might see this post and get VERY mad at me~has a blanket (we aren’t mean, they all have blankets). But this is a little blanket. It’s always been little. But it WAS bigger when we first bought it. We have noticed significant shrinkage in the blanket over time.
*Unnamed child, has slowly been eating this blanket for YEARS. Until recently, I didn’t realize that the blanket was actually being eaten. I just thought the child was chewing on the strings and pulling them out. And I am always saying “don’t put that in your mouth, that’s gross.” Apparently, it’s WAYYYY grosser than I thought.
I came home from my favorite place to go and My Love told me that *unnamed child had a stomach ache after I left, but was fine now. Then proceeded to crack up and give me the details.
You will not believe what was in his poop! A string. Yes you read right. A string. Apparently a LOOOONG string.
I said a prayer of Thanks. And sang the Hallelujah chorus. I’m so glad I was gone for that. I don’t think we’ll be serving blanket for dinner anymore. Is it just my children who are this weird? Do your kids have strange blanket~eating fetishes? Should I feed them more maybe?
- Oh wow! I thought funny ‘poop’ stories pretty much stopped by the time kids were potty trained. But then my kids aren’t potty trained so I wouldn’t really know I guess. You definitely lucked out on that one! (missing it that is) I hope your little one is feeling better now and has found something else to snack on!
- He’s feeling much better now, thanks. We’ve moved on to pillowcases
- That us by far THE BEST post I have ever read!!!! THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!!!!!!
They said WHAT?